Remember the movie Groundhog Day? It's about a guy who wakes up to the same newscast and the same experiences every day. Well, my life has been similar to that movie for quite a while now, at least it seems that way. I guess I'm just ready for the movie to end.
It has been 9 days since my last treatment and well, to be perfectly honest, it looks like the doctors were right again. You know I hate it when that happens, even though they aren't completely right yet, the effects of the radiation seem to keep on happening. At about 2pm every afternoon, my face gets flushed and I get hot and then cold just like when I was having treatments. I was told that this could last 2 to 3 weeks. My mouth and throat actually got worse last week, however, my general feeling is much better. The nausea has pretty much disappeared, my neck is healing up nicely and my weight is holding steady. I have to take in about 90 ozs. of fluid each day just to stay hydrated, that's a whole lot more than I'm use to drinking, but it's working. That should improve once the mucosas subsides. Let's just say, that's when I have to spit a lot. I feel really fortunate that I have been able to sleep really good. All in all, I'm looking forward to this next week. Things are looking up.
Quick story: Last Thursday Kat baked some oatmeal chocolate chip cookies for Donovan's 30Th birthday, and did they smell gooood. So I had this great idea because I really wanted to just taste a cookie. Since I can't eat cookies, or any thing else right now, I thought if I just ground the cookie up in the blender with some milk I would be able to taste COOKIE. Well, it worked, kind of. I poured a small portion of the concoction into a glass and I took a swallow and it tasted like cookie, but it burned like crazy and I had to quickly wash it down with plain water, but it was worth it.
I wake up each morning to this wonderful song by Crystal Lewis. It's entitled "Lord I Believe In You." It's the best part of my Groundhog Day experience. This is the part that has really been ministering to me.
Lord I believe in you, I’ll always believe in you
Though I can’t see you with my eyes,
Deep in my heart your presence I find
Lord I believe in you, and I’ll keep my trust in you
Let the whole world say what they may
No one can take this joy away
Lord I believe.
Thank you everyone for your constant prayers and support. There is a light beaming at the end of the tunnel. He is my constant companion.
Lots of love and hugs,
Old Jer
Sunday, February 22, 2009
Sunday, February 15, 2009
THE LONGEST 7 WEEKS OF MY LIFE
There is no doubt about it, the past 7 weeks took at least 6 months to culminate. The only experience in my life that seemed to take longer was 8 weeks in marine boot camp, and that wasn't near as torturous, and the food wasn't half bad. Well, maybe it was half bad. Actually I gained 15 pounds in boot camp and I lost 15 pounds during this treatment. So now I guess I'm even. Oh my gosh, that was 44 years ago! Forget about it.
This past week was not an easy one for me. Not so much that I didn't feel very good, because I didn't, although I felt better than I did the previous week, I just found it really hard to get myself motivated to go to treatment for those final 5 days. Last Sun. was kind of a drag because I got really dehydrated. After tons of H2O and Gatorade I got my weight up to what it was on Fri. I have since learned that Pedialyte is the hot ticket for dehydration. I learned on Mon. that Dr. Wagner wanted to continue chemo for the final week. This was not a joyful noise to my ears, however I had already come to terms with the Lord. I told him that I would accept anything they threw at me this last week because I knew that everything had been sifted through his hands, and if the doc thought I needed it, than I probably did. Then came the scare. I walked into radiation treatment on Mon. and the tech took one look at my neck and said, "No way, you have to see the doc before I can treat you." I hadn't looked at my neck for a few hours, but what was happening was it was peeling and well, for lack of a better description, it looked very similar to my sons iguanas neck, dry and peeling. After a short discussion with the doc, he looks at me and says "Since you only have 5 days of treatment remaining I think you need to tough it out." That was sweet music to my ears. So again, thank you for all the prayers. My neck actually looked better every day thereafter.
So what happens now that treatment is over? Please continue your awesome prayers. This is where my body starts to heal from all of the abuse it received. I had a very emotional discussion with my chemo doc last Tues. He actually apologized for giving me such a radical treatment, but he felt that I could handle it and that it would be much more beneficial in my recovery. I would have said that he was just saying that to make me feel better if I didn't know that he is a cancer survivor himself. Actually the radiation keeps on working for about 2 to 3 weeks after treatment ends, so they told me not to expect any radical improvement until after that time frame. Well, I'll just have to disagree with that because I know that all things are possible with God. Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
So from now on I plan on keeping my eyes on the goal and focusing on getting my body healthy once again. Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Pressing on in love,
Old Jer
This past week was not an easy one for me. Not so much that I didn't feel very good, because I didn't, although I felt better than I did the previous week, I just found it really hard to get myself motivated to go to treatment for those final 5 days. Last Sun. was kind of a drag because I got really dehydrated. After tons of H2O and Gatorade I got my weight up to what it was on Fri. I have since learned that Pedialyte is the hot ticket for dehydration. I learned on Mon. that Dr. Wagner wanted to continue chemo for the final week. This was not a joyful noise to my ears, however I had already come to terms with the Lord. I told him that I would accept anything they threw at me this last week because I knew that everything had been sifted through his hands, and if the doc thought I needed it, than I probably did. Then came the scare. I walked into radiation treatment on Mon. and the tech took one look at my neck and said, "No way, you have to see the doc before I can treat you." I hadn't looked at my neck for a few hours, but what was happening was it was peeling and well, for lack of a better description, it looked very similar to my sons iguanas neck, dry and peeling. After a short discussion with the doc, he looks at me and says "Since you only have 5 days of treatment remaining I think you need to tough it out." That was sweet music to my ears. So again, thank you for all the prayers. My neck actually looked better every day thereafter.
So what happens now that treatment is over? Please continue your awesome prayers. This is where my body starts to heal from all of the abuse it received. I had a very emotional discussion with my chemo doc last Tues. He actually apologized for giving me such a radical treatment, but he felt that I could handle it and that it would be much more beneficial in my recovery. I would have said that he was just saying that to make me feel better if I didn't know that he is a cancer survivor himself. Actually the radiation keeps on working for about 2 to 3 weeks after treatment ends, so they told me not to expect any radical improvement until after that time frame. Well, I'll just have to disagree with that because I know that all things are possible with God. Matthew 19:26 Jesus looked at them and said, "With man this is impossible, but with God all things are possible."
So from now on I plan on keeping my eyes on the goal and focusing on getting my body healthy once again. Philippians 3:14 I press on toward the goal to win the prize for which God has called me heavenward in Christ Jesus.
Pressing on in love,
Old Jer
Saturday, February 7, 2009
TEAR DUCT MALFUNCTION
Can you believe this, Friday the 13th is my last day of treatment. Good news for me and bad luck for cancer. Dr Wagner did put me back on chemo last Tues. and it came through as usual and I felt terrible for a couple of days, but no break in treatment. The mouth is doing OK, although it feels like there's a current running through it now. Anybody need a jump start?
I believe it will make it 5 more days. My neck is peeling now, but it is also holding up well. Thank you for your prayers concerning these issues. You won't believe this, I know I can't believe it, but I am typing this with gloves on. Why am I wearing gloves, you ask? Darn good question. The truth is my hands have been freezing from the effects of the chemo, some neuro word.
I do have a strange sensation happening. I think that it is a side effect of all the drugs and radiation that they’re giving me. This one wasn’t mentioned on any of the, longer than a roll of Charmin, lists of side effects that they have given me. I think its TEAR DUCT MALFUNCTION. It seems that at any inopportune time my eyes begin to leak. When I think about people I miss, they leak. When I talk to people I love, they leak. When I talk to people I don’t even know, they leak. When I think about how wonderful my wife is, they leak. When I think about all my steadfast support, they leak. Will this side effect clear up after treatment? I don’t have an answer for that one, but I hope it improves, because sometimes it’s downright embarrassing, if you know what I mean.
I’m reminded in Luke chapter 7 of the time when Jesus was invited to the house of one of the Pharisees for dinner, when a woman who had led a sinful life found out that Jesus was going to be there. She brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Of course, she was ostracized by the Pharisee because she was a sinner. What the Pharisee didn’t know was that Jesus would use this opportune time to compare his treatment of Jesus to hers. The Pharisee didn’t even welcome Jesus with a kiss or wash his feet. Then Jesus told them, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven---for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “ Your sins are forgiven.”
These are not tears of sorrow, they are tears of gratitude, joy and thankfulness. Perhaps these tears aren’t an embarrassment after all.
Thank you Roger and Jim for the continued rides to treatment. You guys are the awesomest. I know, my girlfriend appreciates the much needed break. Thank you everyone for all the prayers and continued support.
Love and hugs,
Old Jer
I believe it will make it 5 more days. My neck is peeling now, but it is also holding up well. Thank you for your prayers concerning these issues. You won't believe this, I know I can't believe it, but I am typing this with gloves on. Why am I wearing gloves, you ask? Darn good question. The truth is my hands have been freezing from the effects of the chemo, some neuro word.
I do have a strange sensation happening. I think that it is a side effect of all the drugs and radiation that they’re giving me. This one wasn’t mentioned on any of the, longer than a roll of Charmin, lists of side effects that they have given me. I think its TEAR DUCT MALFUNCTION. It seems that at any inopportune time my eyes begin to leak. When I think about people I miss, they leak. When I talk to people I love, they leak. When I talk to people I don’t even know, they leak. When I think about how wonderful my wife is, they leak. When I think about all my steadfast support, they leak. Will this side effect clear up after treatment? I don’t have an answer for that one, but I hope it improves, because sometimes it’s downright embarrassing, if you know what I mean.
I’m reminded in Luke chapter 7 of the time when Jesus was invited to the house of one of the Pharisees for dinner, when a woman who had led a sinful life found out that Jesus was going to be there. She brought an alabaster jar of perfume, and as she stood behind at his feet weeping, she began to wet his feet with her tears. Then she wiped them with her hair, kissed them and poured perfume on them. Of course, she was ostracized by the Pharisee because she was a sinner. What the Pharisee didn’t know was that Jesus would use this opportune time to compare his treatment of Jesus to hers. The Pharisee didn’t even welcome Jesus with a kiss or wash his feet. Then Jesus told them, “Therefore, I tell you, her many sins have been forgiven---for she loved much. But he who has been forgiven little loves little.” Then Jesus said to her, “ Your sins are forgiven.”
These are not tears of sorrow, they are tears of gratitude, joy and thankfulness. Perhaps these tears aren’t an embarrassment after all.
Thank you Roger and Jim for the continued rides to treatment. You guys are the awesomest. I know, my girlfriend appreciates the much needed break. Thank you everyone for all the prayers and continued support.
Love and hugs,
Old Jer
Sunday, February 1, 2009
SUPERBOWL SUNDAY
That's right, it's Superbowl Sunday and most everyone is gearing up for the big game. I was thinking how these two teams are preparing for battle. They have a head coach, assistant coaches, defensive coordinators, offensive coordinators and of course their loyal fans, all preparing for the game of games.
Guess what? I have been preparing for my game of games and I haven't been alone, I've got my team. However, I look at this battle in a little different light than the Superbowl players do. I have ten treatments remaining, that's two weeks and I'm heading into the fourth quarter and I believe that this is the time for my team to put on the full armor of God, for our struggle is not against flesh and blood, but against the rulers, against the authorities, against the powers of this dark world and against the spiritual forces of evil in the heavenly realms, however, we call it cancer. My head coach is the Lord. He gives me strength and hope and it's in him where I put my trust. I have many assistant coaches, numeral uno being my girlfriend, wife and best friend, the myriad of doctors prescribing the treatments that I've been receiving and all the nurses and technicians that have been administering the various treatments. My defensive coordinators are hard to beat. They start with the belt of truth firmly buckled around my waist, the breastplate of righteousness is in place, my feet have been fitted with the readiness that comes from the gospel of peace. In addition to all this I've taken up the shield of faith that can extinguish the flaming arrows of the evil one. I have also added the helmet of salvation.
Who is the offensive coordinator? you ask. It's the sword of the Spirit, which is the mighty word of God, on which I firmly stand.
All of you, of course, are the loyal fans. Thank you for being there and thank you for your awesome prayers and support that have definitely helped sustain Kat and I through this journey.
As I begin this final phase of treatment, the doc wants to start the i.v. chemo up again on Tues. That would mean two more chemo treatments and ten radiation treatments. Pray for my mouth and throat as their condition will be paramount in completing the treatment as scheduled. My weight has been holding at about 177, so it's looking good. I haven't been too regular with this whole situation, but things have been a whole lot better since I drank some smooth move tea. That stuff really works. My neck looks like I've been out in the sun just a little too much, but hey, I've done that to myself before in the past. Tanya says that I'm now a true redneck.
Luke 12:7 says; Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Well, the numbers have decreased just a little on my head. I just thought that I'd do the Lord a favor and make it a little easier for Him to count the hairs on my head, because there are a few less in certain areas. The radiation has cut a swath across the back of my neck, so I now support a back of the head comb over. It's really not too bad, considering the alternative, and a whole lot better than Donald Trump's. Yes, we did hear from Joshua and he's having the time of his life in China with his best friend, and yes, the picture of boyfriend/girlfriend is from today.
God Bless,
Old Jer
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